So I am going to be totally honest. I am really struggling with being a mom lately. Maybe it's just my attitude. Maybe my body is still hormonal from when I had Gus. I heard it can take up to a year for your hormones to be back to normal. Whatever it is, there is not a lot I am enjoying about parenting right now.
My kids are good. They sleep good, they are not picky eaters (well, Zoee anyways) and they are generally pretty good. So why am I feeling like this? Why do I just want to be child free? I went to Erin's birthday slumber party which was totally fun and much needed. It was so nice to be without the kids for an entire night but the minute I got home I wished I was back there. Wished I was without the kids again. I feel bad for feeling like this because I know it is not their fault. I feel bad because I am the one who chose to have kids and so I need to be more patient and kind.
As I was showering today I was trying to think of the pros and cons of having kids. I will be totally open and honest and say that the cons outweighed the pros by a long shot. So, I am turning to my readers, family and friends to ask your help. If you can, please email me or comment with some pros and let me know what makes you happy being a parent. Maybe I can change my perspective a little if I read what you all have to say.
Thanks to you all.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
pros and cons
Posted by Stac at 11:18 AM
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12 comments:
This is a good post. People can tell you over and over that you will have days like this, and while that is true.. it doesn't really help. Personally, I think that the NUMBER of cons WAY out numbers the NUMBER of pros... BUT, the weight of the pros outnumbers the cons. This crappy (let's face it.. it's crappy) stage doesn't last forever. Think about how much fun you have with your parents and siblings now... can you imagine growing old and NOT having that? Some days when it gets really hard I think about a Christmas many years in the future... with all my kids and grand kids. Also, don't discount the Postpartum stage.. you are still in it. It's there, and it sucks. If nothing else helps, there are these little white pills that your dr can give you that seem to make everything better... It's not the end of the world if you have to use them for a few months... They helped me just DEAL with life for a while. Anyway.. end of sermon. Love Ya! (P.S. You are a great mom!)
Stac,
I am glad that my scrapbook page helped you. It is a letter I found through an email I got and I LOVE it! It too helps me to remember why I am here and why I do what I do as a Mom. I have those hard days too and I hope you know that it is always worth it. There will always be hard days but the good days far out weigh it. I found a blog that I love to read, it is fairly new but the lady is so real and tells you exactly what you want to hear. She posted a post about taking time for ourselves as mothers. I think that is what you need. Here is the web address: www.abusymothersdailythoughts.blogspot.com Hope it helps!
Lara
Hmmm. Okay, so I am thinking about what gets me through, and I'll agree a lot of the time it's thinking about the future with my kids when they're less . . . little. I do LOVE the time I get with each of my kids one on one, but with them together it seems more overwhelming. I like to be on the go with my kids because I have found that nothing spells "psycho mom" like being cooped up together for too long. I also have found that having a project for myself helps me personally (whether that be a crafty thing, trying to be healthy, something around the house, church stuff). I do have to be careful, though, that with all those things I keep the expectations low so I don't get more frustrated. The kids are little and cling-y and whiney and I imagine as they do get older the problems will be swapped for other ones like attitude and social issues, but I can't help but remind myself in times of crazy, "this, too, shall pass" or "what does not kill me [or them] will make me stronger." And FYI, by this point I feel pretty freakin' incredible Hulk-y! Most of all, remind yourself that it's an honor to have those little darlings in your life (and vice versa). You really would be devestated without Zoee's high pitched voice playing make believe in the background or Gus's chubby, drooly self snuggling into you any chance he gets.
I love ya! Hang in there:)
Hey. I totally understand what you are saying. I used to feel like this too. My problem was that I needed to have a job away from the home. I really loved staying at home with Max, but I know I could not do it forever. I just needed a break. Maybe it would help if you were able to work outside of the home.
Oh, Stac. Reading your post was all too familiar. I think it is definitely harder with the second one. I never was diagnosed, but I think I had post-partum depression. How I dealt with things, is I woke up early, exercised, and just got ready for the day. Then go out and do things. We had an "Idol" night, where all the girls, well most girls, from my ward would go to someone else's house to watch American Idol (no kids, no husbands). That seemed to help as well. Try to maybe work out a night that works best for you and Nate. Nate watches the kids and you can go and do something YOU want to do and just have an hour or 2, to yourself. That also seemed to help. You're not alone!! ;)
Stacy, Like Sarah said, "This too shall pass." Now that I'm in grandma mode, I totally remember the frustration of small children. Try to find some kind of outlet for yourself. I always had a cross stitch project going. I took a woodworking class with a friend and built an entertainment center. All that sawing, drilling, and hammering really was a good outlet. And I know this might not be useful advice, but try not to wish their lives away. They'll be big before you know it.
Time passes so quickly and believe me, you just trade this stage for a new one that is usually more challenging. You're a terrific mom...you'll be fine, just give it a little time.
I may not be a mom but i can see the love of your kids through that way you talk about them. It eminates off of you, I go through the hard times phase but for different reasons, it sucks, and it sucks bad, i have tried the pills and stuff, and they dont do it for me. But everyone is different, hang in there it will get better, just looking at the beautiful kids you have, If you want to get out of the house for a while you can come to the other side of the world and hang out with me, or bring the kids over and i will watch them, It would be fun to have dinner again too. Love you lots, i can always send more andes mints too!
Stac- LOL- I am just laughing!!! (WITH you of course)Welcome to motherhood. I just love my little kids- all of them- but maybe not all the time. I think as mothers we get caught in the routine of things. Its up to us to 'mix' things up and make it interesting.It instead of doing the same thing- just forget everything one day and do something fun just for kids. You know I had that postpartum anxiety last year. It is for real stuff and it is difficult. The best thing for you to do is- TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. Yes, then you have the guilt set in that you just left your kids to go and do something selfish- but you just learn that you need to get over that also. You are always a better mom when you are happy. Getting away ONCE A WEEK makes you happy and in turn a better mom and the home has a better atmosphere. Honestly it doesnt matter what you do when your gone either. Some people like getting out with friends, Me (mother of 6) find going to the grocery store for 3 hours by myself is wonderful LOL. Last year I had read "I am a mother" by Jane Clayson Johnson. It was so helpful to look at my kids as Heavenly Father does. How amazing that he trusts me to raise 8 of his kids. What a blessing. Then he says we will have a great reward in heaven. Wow- I want to make sure that I deserve that and stay by my kids and make our lives as happy as I can. That doesnt include staying at home miserable, doing the same thing day after day. Take time to figure it out. Everyone is different- I would never want a job that I would feel like I had to go to every week. Others cant stand to be home with thier kids every week. Pray about what is best for you and your kids and go with your answer. I love you and It will all work out with time and understanding.
He He I think it is funny becausse I was talking to my sister in law about the exact same thing just the other day. I just had my appendix out and then took a week vacation so I had not gone to work in a while. At the end of those couple of weeks I was finding my self frustrated at Mark because he wasn't taking care of kensi all the time even if he does! But then I returned to the frustration. As much as I dislike work it is so nice to get away 3 nights a week and be an adult! This week I have gained a huge respect for stay at home mothers because I honestly don't know if I could do it!! Hang in there we are all in this together.
Stac, I think your feelings are totally normal! I remember when my kids were younger, and Teigen had just been born, and he was a colicky baby from @#$$! Or I guess it was heaven! Anyway he was like that for the first year of his life, and I remember thinking... WHAT HAVE I DONE! But as they grew, the anxiety lessened, and don't get me wrong I did enjoy much of them being little, but it is fun now to do stuff with them. They are my little buddies! It's fun to take Tylie and do some Girly things, and nothing can replace the bond of a boy and his mom! So hang in there! You are not alone! All of us crazy moms are routing for you!!! It does get better!
Stac!
Looks like you are getting plenty of advice! Hope you are doing better. I think, all you have to do is look at them after they are asleep at night. They are so precious! After I have had a long day and feel like crap, all I have to do is look at mine sleeping! so Sweet!
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